I am part of
a family where many kids are involved; I have a lot of younger cousins, my
siblings are younger than me, and we tend to be around little ones at various
family gatherings. During the years I have taken on a more mature, and “parent
like” figure to children whom look up to me. (Height wise, and age wise) I tend
to find myself always looking out for my cousins, moving seemingly harmful
objects out of their reach (scissors, butter knives, ect.), and moving their
cups toward the center of the table so they are not as easily knocked over.
These simple acts sometimes come off as weird to others, like I am “trying too
hard to be a parent”. I do not want to be a parent YET. I adore kids, and I want
to work with them for my future job. But I am not jumping the gun of young
adulthood to mother anytime soon, I can assure you of that.
I haven’t really
had a specific childhood – adulthood experience before but many little things
have led up to my over protectiveness and mature standards. My parents influence in my life, has molded me into a protective person of anyone younger than myself. There have been instances in my life where I have felt
that I have had to be the bigger person. Whether it was an argument with a
friend or parent, or finally getting over a person or time in my life, I have
felt like I have had to be mature about certain decisions. I have learned the well-known
teenage tactic to nod my head and say “yup, yes, uhhuh, yeppp” when having
arguments with my parents, but friends are different. I recently have changed
myself and by doing this I have dropped some friends along the way. It has been
rough, but there are a handful who have stayed with me the whole time and I know
I can count on them for anything. I know it is
important to surround yourself with people who truly make you happy and make
you feel special. I have lost, or unfortunately gave up on many friends in my
high school career. I never feel the
urge to chase after them. This is ok. I have made a few amazing friends in the
past year who I feel completely comfortable around, and who I want to be around
forever. (Too bad half of them are seniors, someone forgot to tell me that
befriending seniors is hard)
When I experienced
my first real death to someone special to me, I felt like I only had one true
day of mourning. Although I still cry about the death, I remember the experience
itself as a childhood-adulthood somewhat kind of experience. I found out that
he passed away the day of my return from my Washington class trip in eighth
grade. I had not known he as well as others in my family had, but he was like a
distant uncle to me and his presence always brought my happiness. He always
knew how to make me smile, and he always commented on my basketball skills. He
encouraged me before he passed to play basketball for close to five years.
After he passed, I didn’t feel the enthusiasm for the sport as strong as I used
to feel it. I quit basketball and changed my sport. I also had more destructive
thoughts towards myself, convinced that I was growing dumber, and I didn’t take
care of myself in the most effective way. Of course I have learned from this
experience, but still feel the emotional pang of defeat when I walk into the
middle school gym where I used to run up and down participating in one of my
families favorite sports, or every time I see his girlfriend and feel her weak
embrace. I know he would be upset to see
me upset so I try not to let it show but sometimes it gets me more than other times.
Especially when I see his cousins re-telling the stories of how much he used to
make them laugh. I wish I could thank him and ask him for his help through
life, because I know we would have grown closer over the years and his advice
probably would have consisted of some kind of funny joke while bringing a smile
to my now darkening face, but I can only in my heart.
I guess where I am going with this rant, is that
my decisions of changing my life, and the emotional pain I have gone through,
have made me feel more adult-like and I have felt mature while going through
the phases of high school and life.
I am usually in the younger croud at family gatherings, most of my cousins are older. Recently I've been around younger kids, and I do the same little things. Like with my friends little sister. I think it is an instinct that is in very mature people, and you are fortunate to have it
ReplyDeleteThanks Ben!
DeleteLike Ben, I'm the younger one in my family. I'm actually the youngest besides my two second cousins. However, I often feel much more mature than them, that might be due to my cynicism, but the only other person I feel equal to in maturity in the "cousins" group is my cousin Ryan. I usually don't argue in the "yep, yeah, uhuh" style, I think things out and that's what might separate the mature from the immature.
ReplyDeleteYea, that makes sense, sometimes it is good to argue that way if it is a petty argument that doesn't mean anything to do with the relationship you have with that person.
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